Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
