He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
