I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
