why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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