When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
