Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
