I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
