my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
