The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
