I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
