hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
