Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
