I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
