getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
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He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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