im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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