You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My vagina is very pro this idea
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
