He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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