The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
