my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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