I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
