I accidentally burped into my bong.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
