I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
where does the pee come out of this thing
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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