so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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