Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
