i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
