you traded sex for a burrito?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
