Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
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We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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