The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
