Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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