I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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