My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
foreskin is a definite game changer
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
