it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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