I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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