I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
