im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think I am morally bankrupt
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
