Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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