I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
