theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
