Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
