he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
