I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
