Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
