Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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