So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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