Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
