Its about making memories worth repressing
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
