How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
