It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize