There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
