My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
