can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
