I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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