my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
