I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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