everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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