gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
