Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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