If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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