She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
