i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
