considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
