rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
