I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
