let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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