I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
