I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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