She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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