Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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