in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
