Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
