She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
